but something more important is on my mind. let's go there.
She told me today that my life is proof God has a sense of humor. ain't that the truth. namely, He expresses it in the form of IRONY. i love irony. i love it. especially in my life. We laughed over this for an hour. continued talking about appropriately girly things, and made a final decision.
well, final for now.
random thoughts from the last week:
"I hope they didn't talk about me"
"Why did he do this NOW?"
"did she say anything to him? he wouldn't do this of his own volition...i think."
"Can this get more ironic?"
"I can't believe how coincidental this is. how coincidental all these things are."
"This just isn't FUNNY anymore!"
"Is that what a date is?"
"finally."
"the beginning of the end."
"It's too soon."
"just tell me thy will, please. i promise to do it."
"I will go and do."
This story has been going on in my life for 5 years. in his, for 3. It's coming to a head. I don't want it to. I do want it to. i don't know what i want. i know exactly what i want.
in a place where sometimes your skin is the only thing holding you together, how do you refrain from telling everyone what's going on? good news! it's happening! I told you so - and you won't like it, but i've known for years, and i'm used to the idea now.
This is the upside to being a girl. It's our prerogative.
I feel like I'm humming. Something is coursing through me, and i don't understand it. I don't know if i like it. fear. lots of it. anticipation. restlessness, anxiety, exuberance, happiness.
How do i hold it in?
I don't. I write it out.
But you know what?
It's the only thing I can't write out. I have written so much, over and over again. And i have taken long breaks, only to come back again. this one subject is not one that will heal with words or time. it will heal with a person.
who is back now.
let's do this.
Ooooooooohhhhh!!!!
ReplyDeleteI want to know the facts from this story!