habit

Today I looked at the clock at 11:10. Then again at 11:12. I was sad that I missed 11:11.

You know, I've wished for the same thing at 11:11 for the past 3 years... solely out of habit.
Isn't it interesting, the things we do without thinking just because we've done them for so long anyway?
Someday I will study psychology and figure out why that is. But now it's back to the natural sciences...

a la mode

Cooking. Food was the first thing I loved that loved me back.

This was the first aspect of creativity that I developed, and the first area of my life where I thought, "Hey! Maybe I am a little artsy!"

To me, food is 70% presentation. If it looks beautiful, I whole-heartedly believe it will taste beautiful. For instance, I hate fish. GROSS. YUCK. ICKY. Recently, however, I had a dish with fish that was wonderfully prepared... and I was able to eat a few bites.

Ok, ok, the scientist in me says that it was probably a type of fish I had never had before, and that's why I like it. But I like to think it was its lovely presentation.

I love cooking so much, in fact, that I almost became a chef.

tip: for a truly interesting garnish, cut a green onion about 3" from the root (where the hot part is). Then, cut the onion into little thin slices, but don't cut it all the way! You want the little slices to sort of flower out from the bottom. Next, put them in ice cold water for about 90 minutes and TADA! you have a cool garnish.

In recent years, cooking has become a fantastically popular hobby. I think this is awesome. Dinner parties are so much more entertaining now. Do you have a dish that is a joy to cook, serve, eat, etc? Look up Paula Dean's Baked Spaghetti. Your mind will be blown. trust me.

"Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity."
Voltaire

"Non-cooks think it's silly to invest two hours' work in two minutes' enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet."
Julia Child

aHA!

"...it took me a long time but I’ve finally figured it out. When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. It’s that simple. It’s that easy."

-Randy Pausch, Last Lecture, quoting Syl.

It really is that simple. and that easy.

HA!

But is it art?

Of course it is. The most sublime and brilliant kind.

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul....We each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before....You might say, "I'm not the creative type." If that is how you feel, think again. And remember that you are spirit daughters of the most creative being in the universe.
Think about it.
Don't let the voice of critics paralyze you.
The more you trust and rely upon the spirit, the greater your capacity to create."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf


"Get messy! Make mistakes!"
-Mrs. Frizzle

it's on my mind, so it's on the web. narcissism to the max.

my adventure was grand. i have so many more fun and wonderful and interesting things to write about now.

but something more important is on my mind. let's go there.

She told me today that my life is proof God has a sense of humor. ain't that the truth. namely, He expresses it in the form of IRONY. i love irony. i love it. especially in my life. We laughed over this for an hour. continued talking about appropriately girly things, and made a final decision.

well, final for now.

random thoughts from the last week:

"I hope they didn't talk about me"

"Why did he do this NOW?"

"did she say anything to him? he wouldn't do this of his own volition...i think."

"Can this get more ironic?"

"I can't believe how coincidental this is. how coincidental all these things are."

"This just isn't FUNNY anymore!"

"Is that what a date is?"

"finally."

"the beginning of the end."

"It's too soon."

"just tell me thy will, please. i promise to do it."

"I will go and do."

This story has been going on in my life for 5 years. in his, for 3. It's coming to a head. I don't want it to. I do want it to. i don't know what i want. i know exactly what i want.

in a place where sometimes your skin is the only thing holding you together, how do you refrain from telling everyone what's going on? good news! it's happening! I told you so - and you won't like it, but i've known for years, and i'm used to the idea now.

This is the upside to being a girl. It's our prerogative.

I feel like I'm humming. Something is coursing through me, and i don't understand it. I don't know if i like it. fear. lots of it. anticipation. restlessness, anxiety, exuberance, happiness.

How do i hold it in?

I don't. I write it out.

But you know what?

It's the only thing I can't write out. I have written so much, over and over again. And i have taken long breaks, only to come back again. this one subject is not one that will heal with words or time. it will heal with a person.

who is back now.

let's do this.