time two.

there are moments when time stops. and then it starts again and races forward, as if to make up for the lost "time" spent when your heart stopped.

i had one of those today.

i have been waiting for 4 years for the commencement of a certain event in my life. someone came back. and time is racing forward - making me see things i have missed these last 4 years.

please do not get me wrong - i am a firm believer in NOT WAITING AROUND. "get busy livin', or get busy dyin'." those are words to live by. word.

but my heart is beating faster with the revival of a once dead hope. i am split in two. he may do nothing; he may do everything; he may ignore; he may rise to the occasion. i may rebuke; i may "grapple [him to me] with hoops of steal"; i may cry; i may get angry; i may not be able to stop smiling for days; i may sob till i'm sick.

who am i kidding? He and i should be together everyday of forever beginning 700 years ago. We both know this. i KNOW he knows this. he knows i know it.

what happened to this lock-and-key girl? i hate the whirlwind of emotions. logic, reason, and rationale...save me! save me from the emotions that threaten to overwhelm. heaven knows i don't know what to do with them. i know i'm too ridiculous to deal with them.

I feel like a little girl sitting agains a wall with her knees pulled tight to her chest. My eyes are closed as hard as possible. I hold myself together with one arm around my knees and sheer force of will. The other hand is outstreched, begging this him to take it and do something. But my eyes are closed. I can't see him reject me. I can't see him.

well. at least one good thing came from this racing heart syndrome. i get to skip today's workout. pretty sure my heart has been in the target heart range for the past 10 hours. score on the healthy heart. bam.