Waking Life

Is there another word for thesaurus? :)

I am really relating to this song lately. And I love the movie.

"i'm not lost, i'm just looking for my prince....and by the way, you're still on my mind."

And i love fall.

and i love reading. still.

and i love food that is so spicy it makes my nose run.

and i love adventure.

and i love being clever.

and i love my friends.

my family.

my books.

my brain.

which sounds conceited, i know, but i love it just the same.

some things never change

i write something, and i hate it.

i write something again, and i hate it.

i write something else..... surprise, i hate it.

i edit, edit, edit.... and i can't find the words. nothing sounds right. nothing feels right. endlessly feeling out the sentences, the words, the phrases, and the way the words feel in my mouth is just WRONG. ( i just edited that section 3 times. see what i mean?)

not that one shouldn't edit.... but usually it's not this hard for me.

well, usually i'm quoting people so usually editing isn't necessary.

I don't consider myself a gifted writer. I lean more towards the succinct and exact, rather than the emotionally exhaustive. I never make the page limits given in english classes. it drives me nuts that they even give me page limits anyway.

this season is one of waiting. i see a different life approaching quickly, and i am so excited to exit this current one. graduation, jobs, a new location, a new scene, new friends, new sights. not provo. not anymore. it is finally (and happily) time to go.

but as previously discussed, i hate waiting.

sometimes i have real issues with the whole 'Lord's Timetable' thing. i'm so ridiculous, it's ridiculous. maybe sometime soon i'll grow up.

Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

I am a very bold person.

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."

-attributed to Goethe

Because I am a bold person, hesitancy bothers me. When I see people hedging, I get frustrated. It took me a long time to figure out why. I used to think that they didn't know themselves well enough to move forward and act. That they were indecisive and rely on others to help them make their decisions.

That is very judgmental, I know.

The more I observe people, however, the more I understand the hesitators. Perhaps they do not know their own mind, perhaps they like to mull over things for a long time, or perhaps they just know that some things do not require worry on their part. This last point is something I could learn from.

A down side to being a hermit is that we often do not understand people. We can understand a person (usually ourselves, and very well) but people, societal rules, and social constructs.... some of the things we do just seem so binding and ridiculous.

This is where boldness comes in. This is where my inner Rhett comes out to play.

And I believe that once you fully commit yourself, not much can stop you. There's something powerful about commitment. "Failure is not an option." is a more powerful statement than some people realize.

hope is a good thing

I think hope and despair are two sides of the same coin. Hope is the dream, and despair is a nightmare.

I had a nightmare and a dream last night. Literally. It's particularly odd since I never remember my dreams.

Should I believe in coincidences?

Coincidence is logical.
Johan Cruijff

Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and pulleys.
Emma Bull

love, like, loathe and kiss, date, dump.

I like this show: LEVERAGE

I loathe this sport: Volleyball

And I LOVE this book (and despise the movie): The Count of Monte Cristo

Out of Mr. Darcy, Mr. Thornton, & Mr. Rochester, I would....

Kiss Mr. Rochester

"What do you think of the Master?" - Ms. Fairfax

"He seems very changeable, Ma'am." - Jane Eyre

Dump Mr. Darcy

"I could more easily forgive his pride if he had not wounded mine." - Elizabeth Bennett

And I would marry Mr. Thornton.

"I don't want to possess you! I want to marry you because I love you!" -Mr. Thornton

"Well you shouldn't! Because I don't like you...and I never have." - Margaret Hale

should, ought, and won't.

10 things i feel slightly guilty about not liking:

1. seafood.

2. politics

3. The Work and the Glory series.

4. physical exercise

5. math

6. people that let their emotions take over their lives.

7. modern fiction

8. crowds

9. pictures of people's vacations

10. facebook status abusers.

10 things i feel no shame whatsoever about:

1. ridiculous amounts of cheese on spaghetti or lasagna.

2. making obscure references that i know no one understands

3. driving fast.

4. the fact that all i think comes out my eyes. (it's true, i can never hide how i really feel)

5. the whole debacle with the jerk.

6. i can be unrepentantly ambitious.

7. my scrooge-iness.

8. how much i like reading. i will almost always choose to read and not play.

9. my need to make food look pretty... more than it should taste good.

10. the fact that i posted something as narcissistic as this.

it's a good day. :)

The Very Thought of You

"There's no such thing as a difficult decision... the truth is decisions are easy. You know why? Because every time, every time, you already know the answers... You see, You didn't come to see me to make a decision. You came to me because you didn't like the decision you'd already made." - Pederson

I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap, and then you grow wings.
William Sloane Coffin

"People need to be reminded more than they need to be instructed."

-CS Lewis

1. I wonder sometimes how often I've gone to my mom, not to make a decision but to feel justified in the decision I already knew I was going to make. I don't think people struggle with deciding. I think they struggle with the consequences they knew they won't escape.

2. HA! I love faith too. But man, sometimes it's hard to jump.

3. Galileo once said "you cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself." How true, how true. And dear CS sums it up very well too. We already know how and why we should do things. I think this is where the importance of example comes into play.

4. I love America. Happy Birthday Homeland.